Solo travel seems to be more popular than ever right now. Social media is saturated with travelers who decided to take a journey alone and want to encourage you to do the same, and I’ve read countless personal essays in travel magazines about the merits of traveling solo. And I’m thrilled by this. I’m seeing more and more diversity in the age and race of solo travelers, and more women than ever are empowered to head out alone.
As delighted as I am about this surge of enthusiasm, the loudest media message I keep reading about solo travel bothers me.
The majority of the posts/articles/blogs I’ve read about solo travel have the same general message—that solo traveling doesn’t mean you’ll be alone. The Instagram reels show clips of 20-somethings salsa dancing in Latin America or with their arms around each other in front of the sparkling Eiffel Tower. The articles are about how the two solo travelers met in a hostel in Thailand and are now in each other’s wedding party. The blog posts share tips of how to make friends while traveling and assure you that you’ll have a built-in community of besties the second you step off the plane.
And there’s nothing at all wrong with this message. These things are undoubtedly true for so many travelers. Those seeking new friendships and connections while traveling can very likely find them, and solo travel is a great way for those of us who are shy to get out of our comfort zones and meet people. The problem is that this feels like the ONLY message solo travelers are getting, and it inadvertently pigeonholes solo travelers. The assumptions seem to be that these people aren’t traveling alone by choice and that they would be happier with company.
The target audience that message is created is laughably narrow. What about the empty nester who wants to take a long solo trip after her kids leave for college? What about the retiree who wants to go motorcycle riding in the mountains. (This person is my dad.) What about those of us who are not in our 20s? What about those of us who want… to be alone?
There are so many solo travelers for whom traveling alone is a deliberate choice, not a last resort. Travel for me holds different purposes depending on whether I’m alone or not. When I was planning my 5-month trip around Europe, it was important to me that the majority of the trip be solo even though it didn’t have to be. I wanted to write. I wanted to prove to myself that I could navigate challenging cultures on my own. I wanted to be without a social crutch that I would undoubtedly lean on if it were available. I wanted to travel solo to feel empowered and prove to myself that I could. I was deliberate about the timing of Michael and my mom joining me and made my plans around when I’d have company and when I wouldn’t. Travel media’s assumed default “My friends kept canceling the trip plans, so I decided to go alone!” couldn’t have been further from true for me. My friends were never invited. (Which is not to say that I don’t want to travel with friends! I would simply have a different agenda for the friend trip.)
And the assumption that company makes a trip more fun is one that might scare introverts away from hostels and group tours forever. The way a lot of hostels promote themselves would suggest that you will be inundated with forced social activity after forced social activity and never be alone for one second. Which, of course, sounds like my worst nightmare. I would vastly prefer to be alone instead of having company for the sake of having company.
Part of the joy of solo travel for me is finding those unexpected connections, and I love having the option of group tours and activities to participate in. But I wish that there was more emphasis placed on these things being a choice.
If I’m feeling particularly introverted, I will opt for a private room if I can. If I want company, I might join a group dinner or a walking tour. I will never go on the pub crawl. I will also not be ostracized for any of these choices—everyone does exactly what they want when they’re solo traveling, and no one is judging anyone for their choices.
This seems oversimplified and obvious. Of course people are intelligent enough to understand how marketing works, that they can make their own choices when they solo travel, and that their trip probably won’t look like the influencer’s photos. But the message still matters, and the media perception of what solo travel is and what it looks like subconsciously impacts those who might be hesitant or assuming they don’t fit some societal standard.
When solo traveling, I’ve tango danced with all locals in a bar. I’ve taken a hilariously awkward salsa dancing lesson. I’ve shopped for groceries, eaten meals, shared taxis and talked for hours with new friends. I’ve gone on a 10-day group trip where I was randomly assigned a roommate. I’ve gotten phone numbers and social media contacts and stayed in touch, and I call people I met while traveling my friends. But I’ve also turned down plenty of invitations when I wasn’t feeling up to being social. I’ve chosen to eat hundreds of meals alone in restaurants that I could have eaten with new friends. I’ve elected to do activities alone that I could have done with an organized group instead. It depends on the day, on my energy level, on whether I want to read a book or talk to someone.
There’s nothing that I feel like I can’t do without company when I’m traveling (except perhaps walking around in the middle of the night. I don’t do that.). And having company in no way determines the value of an experience for me. Whether someone comes home from their solo trip with a group of new friends or not isn’t a signal of how valuable their time was or how much fun they had.
I wish the messages surrounding solo travel were more inclusive. That you can always make friends…if you want. That you don’t have to be a 20-something taking shots at a sticky hostel table. That solo travel looks different for everyone because we all have different purposes and agendas. That you can have a great time solo traveling whether you get your energy from other people or from seclusion or from a mix of both. Emphasizing the freedom you have to do exactly what brings you joy when solo traveling is a far better message to promote.
